You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
