I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
