She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
