You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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