Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
