hell yes lets make some ravioli
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
