I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
