last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
