Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
