you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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