After last night, I could never be a politician.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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