Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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