Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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