the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
