if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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