Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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