his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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