i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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