how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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