GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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