i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
