You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
