i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize