I didn't shave. On purpose
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
