take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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