I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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