The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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