He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
