in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
