he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
