Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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