My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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