i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
