There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
