just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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