ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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