dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
