these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
