Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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