i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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