You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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