Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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