I need help removing her.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
