she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
