At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize