I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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