So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
