I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
