and you said cock pushups were impossible
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
