i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
