She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
