dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
