bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
