And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
