Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
