It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
