What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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