So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
