He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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