I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
