they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
