Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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