why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
