i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
