Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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