wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
