If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
