I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
