my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
