Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
